Category Archives: Gender

Although she is nothing like you or I or even the next girl, her story could very well feature the same villains…that woman may be the invisible beauty that fights these battles too.

I believe on average one out of every five women will go through hell and back by the age of twenty seven without a hint of notification to closest people surrounding her. I’ve been blessed to have intellectual encounters with a wide variety of women. Some have been lovers, some have had a hate for love, some were teachers others could never be taught, every one of them have been so different from the next. Unfortunately the only single line they all walked on was that of abuse. They have all battled with respect from men physical and mental, emotional as well as sexual abuse. These encounters came from the hands of boyfriends, coworkers, professionals, fathers, strangers, even family friends. These women have been mocked, slammed, punched, left to die, and punished for their dignity.

Some women choose to go about their relations only involving themselves when they are the dominant ones in the relationship, only because the last time she let a man be in control, she ended up with a fist in her face and caught up with the man she swore she knew well enough. Some of these women have been raped until the scars can’t be disguised, beaten bad enough to convince themselves life is better off if they cover it up and never tell a soul. People have the nerve to wonder why so many women are bougie, why they seem to constantly turn their nose up at men, some even turn their nose up at other women due to the involvement they’ve seen women play in abuse on other women. Many men are clueless to this, they have no idea that the attitude has less to do with material things and more to do with protection, this is one of many ways that women try to shield themselves from dangerous characters they’ve met in the past. I’ve heard women say they feel life would be easier if they took on the role as a hoe, one woman in particular has told me, ” I hear these bastards won’t even fight you if you don’t put up one.” That same middle aged woman went on to say, “I’ll swallow my pride and give it up if it spares me getting my ass whooped.” If you saw this captivating woman, you would never imagine that those were her true thoughts.

So many women fear that lustful gaze of men, only because she’s seen that gaze before. She recalls the black deep alleys that the source of that gaze pushed her into, she recalls quickly jetting back to a pathway that had vanished so quickly, only to be twisted back around into the controlling grasp of a predator. Most of all she remembers that the screams were never heard, she remembers realizing that protection from the crime at that point was out of the question. These women are never fully able to forget the feeling of numbness, and as darkness faded and she laid lifeless seeing the skies shut down before her, this is when she realized that regardless of age, her youthful, innocent spirit will never again breathe the breaths of simplicity, and know that carefree soul as she once did, once a life is corrupted by crime it’s never truly the same.

Now her life is walked on guard, constantly. She doesn’t leave her home without protection, even inside of her home, she now laces it with weapons, ready to be brought out of the dark because she feels, “How else am I going to be guaranteed security?”—these women live under a vow to NEVER go again without protection.

Essence recently published an article discussing the current case of Nafissatou Diallo, whom has come to the public with rape allegations against the high profile Dominique Strauss-Kahn (former Head of International Monetary Fund). Essence went on to release a statistic that came from current studies saying that one in every four black women will be raped in her lifetime, and 7% of black women will report the crime, the average in other races came to 42% of sexual assaults reported. Im not sure why as a society of women we don’t confide in anyone about these encounters. Some women used to and eventually gave it up, some still do. Many women come to feel, at least for herself, that no one on this earth is promised to protect her, it’s her own battle. After a while some women feel that they’ve fought the battles too hard, and fought to gain her dignity back too hard to be humiliated by reaping sympathy from crying out a tragedy to someone. In circumstances like these, for this woman, sympathy can viewed as a pathetic and weak emotion, which in understanding does nothing for a woman who has walked these retched roads.

So you really want to make a difference to a woman who has told you of the disrespect she gets from men? (don’t be foolish enough to assume that the disrespect is all she knows, majority of the time, that’s all she feels comfortable with exposing.) As you are together, wherever it may be, PROTECT her, be attentive of her surroundings, of course without being controlling, GUARD her with your presence. Give her at least the insight that a hero beyond herself may possibly exist. So yes, I agree women are sometimes guarded, bougie, and highly emotional creatures, as anyone who has walked these roads would be. It’s this woman still having herself at the end of every day that gives her the pride and will to exhale and truly love and embrace herself completely. After being dragged through hell, and occasionally passing by it’s alleys on earth, these women begin to respect themselves for the battles they’ve fought, admire and appreciate every other woman as well regardless of race, religion, size, sexual orientation ect. knowing that although she is nothing like you or I or even the next girl, her story could very well feature the same villains…that woman may be the invisible beauty that fights these battles too.

Woman’s War

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There is a profound and exhilarating thrill that comes along with the event of a woman getting dolled up. It can bring such gratification and even be therapeutic to express yourself through a fashion and style that shines off your image. From a wild hairstyle using the most natural essence you possess to added sex appeal with the benefits of new extensions, weave, or even a simple change of cut or color, we can drag out our deepest emotions with the use of our fingertips combined with the texture of our hair, the definition of make up and of course the statement of our outfit, this is all thrown in the mix topped with a long awaited message that we plan to deliver without a single word being spoken.

So many people think that a woman’s appearance can be based on the demand to be desired, but underneath that glamour and appeal lies a woman with an insatiable appetite for showing the world what she’s made of. Every woman reaches a pivoting point in her life in which she’s come to terms with who she’s been and who she is becoming. These women begin to see the drastic difference, and more importantly they begin to respect the growth. There come days and evenings when we decide to reward ourselves with an official debut, so we step out looking even better than we did on our last “best night ever” and beneath it all lies a confidence and burning desire for this woman to strut her ass off!

Its amazing the way we are able to paint a picture so perfectly using our sass, style, and joy topped with the grace that the women we have admired taught us to show the world the classiest and most defined version of ourselves.

The bedroom, the bathroom, the vanity, all combined with visits to the  mirrors turn into your very own runway.
As you’re getting ready for a night out, you pucker up your lips checking out your mouth’s own version of a pose, tease your hair demanding the woman out of it, even give your reflection a taste of your killer gaze. With all of this action we are expressing the attitude we carry, trying out the mood we hope to keep us pumped up all day and even more importantly, all night.

That first step out of the house brings a thrust of energy and delight as those heels lift you to the top of your own world. For a moment you realize the newfound feeling and inspiration that comes with getting dolled up, and you realize that you are not only proud but inspired by the woman you’ve become. So go out there and do your thing girl, let the world see you at your finest. Allow your past to kiss your ass as it becomes quite jealous of the future that lies ahead of you. Show the crowds around you what you’ve been daring  for them to see. This time around, show them your brilliance; allow the originality of your make up, the sass in your outfit, the demand in your hairstyle, and even the glow of your skin to shine through and show the world exactly WHO YOU ARE!

So many people think that a woman’s appearance can be based on the demand to be desired, but underneath that glamour and appeal lies a woman with an insatiable appetite for showing the world what she’s made of.

Women are considered deep as no one can discover the bottom of them, and no woman is truly shallow as what deepens her is simply unknown.

Her trials lead her to a new found calling, one that her and her Upmost High Father agree on, that is the road we all attempt to get back on. With every ounce of confidence and beauty we still guard ourselves from the dangers we’ve come to know. We learn ourselves through the years and come to understand what’s good for us as well as what breaks us apart. We know that the heart and the mind are not one in the same but we do try to agree on the things that satisfy both components. Women are considered deep as no one can discover the bottom of them, and no woman is truly shallow as what deepens her is simply unknown.  I’ve never met a woman that was simple minded, only women that couldn’t find the words to express themselves and the meaning behind empty statement that left others thinking she didn’t comprehend the world surrounding her.

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The Essence of Her Strength

After every trial we face the facts, like everybody you love aint gonna stick around. And even the ones you let in may find themselves stepping out. We’re all human, different mistakes all end in the same apologies. Fellas say ‘Baby I’m sorry’, and females sit back and say ‘Nigga Please’. Some women never really pack their bags, other’s will leave him and never look back. Other situations leave everybody but her in doubt; because eventually the time comes in which if only one heart’s in it then she’ll take herself out. Even if there are no answers in response, following her heart is what she’s all about. Even if it hurts the one she loves, she does what’s best for her because deep down she puts herself first. We get our feelings hurt, swallow our pride then listen to the woman inside. She says, “Girl keep ya head up, don’t let a man take your joy or even steal your voice.” So we get back up and try it all again, sometimes without even paying him back for all the shit that he did. We forgive others because we’ll need somebody to forgive us in the end. We keep a smile, because opposites attract and we don’t want a broken hearted girl to shine through the cracks. That is until we crash, one wrong turn can just set us off track, put us right back to a place in time that never got patched. But that’s a woman, we move on even though there comes days when we cry about what didn’t last. We got our stories and we got our past, but we move ahead as if to that we’re not attached. Good or bad, happy or sad, we do it all until the end so we can say we gave all we had. She can fall flat on her face, without it being a fall from grace; dust off the tears, learn the lesson and stand tall with no shame. And still, she’ll give all she can, and just when you think she’s been defeated, she’ll do it all again.

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