Although she is nothing like you or I or even the next girl, her story could very well feature the same villains…that woman may be the invisible beauty that fights these battles too.
I believe on average one out of every five women will go through hell and back by the age of twenty seven without a hint of notification to closest people surrounding her. I’ve been blessed to have intellectual encounters with a wide variety of women. Some have been lovers, some have had a hate for love, some were teachers others could never be taught, every one of them have been so different from the next. Unfortunately the only single line they all walked on was that of abuse. They have all battled with respect from men physical and mental, emotional as well as sexual abuse. These encounters came from the hands of boyfriends, coworkers, professionals, fathers, strangers, even family friends. These women have been mocked, slammed, punched, left to die, and punished for their dignity.
Some women choose to go about their relations only involving themselves when they are the dominant ones in the relationship, only because the last time she let a man be in control, she ended up with a fist in her face and caught up with the man she swore she knew well enough. Some of these women have been raped until the scars can’t be disguised, beaten bad enough to convince themselves life is better off if they cover it up and never tell a soul. People have the nerve to wonder why so many women are bougie, why they seem to constantly turn their nose up at men, some even turn their nose up at other women due to the involvement they’ve seen women play in abuse on other women. Many men are clueless to this, they have no idea that the attitude has less to do with material things and more to do with protection, this is one of many ways that women try to shield themselves from dangerous characters they’ve met in the past. I’ve heard women say they feel life would be easier if they took on the role as a hoe, one woman in particular has told me, ” I hear these bastards won’t even fight you if you don’t put up one.” That same middle aged woman went on to say, “I’ll swallow my pride and give it up if it spares me getting my ass whooped.” If you saw this captivating woman, you would never imagine that those were her true thoughts.
So many women fear that lustful gaze of men, only because she’s seen that gaze before. She recalls the black deep alleys that the source of that gaze pushed her into, she recalls quickly jetting back to a pathway that had vanished so quickly, only to be twisted back around into the controlling grasp of a predator. Most of all she remembers that the screams were never heard, she remembers realizing that protection from the crime at that point was out of the question. These women are never fully able to forget the feeling of numbness, and as darkness faded and she laid lifeless seeing the skies shut down before her, this is when she realized that regardless of age, her youthful, innocent spirit will never again breathe the breaths of simplicity, and know that carefree soul as she once did, once a life is corrupted by crime it’s never truly the same.
Now her life is walked on guard, constantly. She doesn’t leave her home without protection, even inside of her home, she now laces it with weapons, ready to be brought out of the dark because she feels, “How else am I going to be guaranteed security?”—these women live under a vow to NEVER go again without protection.
Essence recently published an article discussing the current case of Nafissatou Diallo, whom has come to the public with rape allegations against the high profile Dominique Strauss-Kahn (former Head of International Monetary Fund). Essence went on to release a statistic that came from current studies saying that one in every four black women will be raped in her lifetime, and 7% of black women will report the crime, the average in other races came to 42% of sexual assaults reported. Im not sure why as a society of women we don’t confide in anyone about these encounters. Some women used to and eventually gave it up, some still do. Many women come to feel, at least for herself, that no one on this earth is promised to protect her, it’s her own battle. After a while some women feel that they’ve fought the battles too hard, and fought to gain her dignity back too hard to be humiliated by reaping sympathy from crying out a tragedy to someone. In circumstances like these, for this woman, sympathy can viewed as a pathetic and weak emotion, which in understanding does nothing for a woman who has walked these retched roads.
So you really want to make a difference to a woman who has told you of the disrespect she gets from men? (don’t be foolish enough to assume that the disrespect is all she knows, majority of the time, that’s all she feels comfortable with exposing.) As you are together, wherever it may be, PROTECT her, be attentive of her surroundings, of course without being controlling, GUARD her with your presence. Give her at least the insight that a hero beyond herself may possibly exist. So yes, I agree women are sometimes guarded, bougie, and highly emotional creatures, as anyone who has walked these roads would be. It’s this woman still having herself at the end of every day that gives her the pride and will to exhale and truly love and embrace herself completely. After being dragged through hell, and occasionally passing by it’s alleys on earth, these women begin to respect themselves for the battles they’ve fought, admire and appreciate every other woman as well regardless of race, religion, size, sexual orientation ect. knowing that although she is nothing like you or I or even the next girl, her story could very well feature the same villains…that woman may be the invisible beauty that fights these battles too.