Tag Archives: passion

…Him

As soon as my head hit his chest, the rest of the night was blessed. I showed him every element, and let him get the best. There was legs in legs and chests on breasts. I held him close, his arms gripped me tighter, our bodies were a love nest that couldn’t keep quiet. Whether he dove or swam, he was in to win. Whether we restled or we layed, songs were played either way. In a sound that I’ve never heard, this man’s touch was caressing my tightest nerves, easing all my worries and erasing all the hurt. His love was speaking brave words that relayed as he slurred, every sip and hit got the truth to his thoughts closer to the edge of his lips. And at the end of all resistance, I collapsed, my face fell flat and I rested on the sound of his existence.

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A Smoother Dream

For once I want to be free from all the things I’m supposed to be. Switch up my beat and flow to a smoother dream, one that won’t dissipate when I turn away. Just stay the same, keep alive that same dream, when I come back let’s fly that same plane; don’t switch your ways. And maybe he could follow me, blow a tree, passion in the base of my everything. So it lifts me and I speak to thee, pretty things, the purest secrets that are kept between you and me. He’s like a dream or a sweet escape from common company. I had no intentions on flying away or setting myself so free but now I’m soaring inevitably. He sets my fears on fire, tosses out my doubts with the proof that flows past the slick shit that comes from a gents mouth. He rains his affection all over me, speaking truths past the normal sweet nothings, he’s talking serious something’s. He leaves me in a daydream, even the night sings, waking up everyday smiling comfortably. I wouldn’t trade him, I just wanna cash my sins and say I’m all in. So come back to the place where I met you that day, it’ll take me bout an hour but I’m on my way. And when I get there, I hope you’re ready to feel the air, relax babe I’m back. I came and I left and to my surprise I came right back, simple as that. You make it is so easy to dive into an unknown land, and I’ve never sat down with this kind of man. Let’s just be, everything we take in and all the stars we witness and every kiss we lay in. I could leave, take break, do a separate thing, but it seems everyday I just wanna stay. I just wanna lay, I just wanna bathe in the truth of a soul in a whole new way.

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I wrote this for a beloved friend of mine, her situation taught me just as much as my own did. I struggled with whether or not I should share such a private and personal letter but I just think a lot of other lovers share the same emotions, so please, learn from her heart’s story.

There have been times when she didn’t know her own strength, and at times she couldn’t even see the limits she placed on herself. There were days when she woke up confident, knowing that her smile would genuinely last. In those very days, she had her ultimate breakdowns and truly came face to face with her hearts reality. She was frail for love, for the past, especially weak for a feeling that was gone but the memory alone had her bound into hope. She knew she had it in her to leave a love that she wanted so bad to keep, but she loved him and the though t of him too much to do it.

She needed strength beyond herself; she needed God to drag the true strength of a woman out of her, because she alone didn’t want to go. She wanted to stay and let love run its course,but she was getting restless with playing forever the fool. Even in the midst of every lie, at the end of the day she wanted to try to make it work. She knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that she wasn’t supposed to stay in that relationship, she knew an ending was approaching. It’s still a mystery and divine wonder how she knew it, but she simply felt it; growing inside of her like a cancer poisoning her high hopes with depressing truths of the reality she lived in. Above all the other emotions and mixed desires, she was becoming well aware of her worth.

When that day of courage and will came, she ran with it and left the love that built her, a love that shaped her in good ways and bad, most of all it was a love that gave her hope. She knew that she was trapped in a plea, a craving for more than the love he would give, but held by a promise from him, for better. She believed that a love like that could endure and last. There came time when that love, that passion and friendship was no longer good for her, somehow something cruel had crept in and remained  lying in between them, slowly putting them in a battle against each other. He broke her heart and even in the days that she stayed the love was being slowly ruined, like a rotting fruit that once would taste so sweet, the effect couldn’t be undone.  There came a turning point in which all that built her began to break her down, and she watched herself sink lower and lower into a weakness for love, but even in those moments she knew she would eventually see the day of letting go.  It was love, but not a love worth standing by, she was alone in love and eventually she was the only one fighting for it. That’s when it was enough. They began having repeated nights of silence and empty conversations. She needed him to beg her to stay; she needed him to change her mind, and even if it was fooling her, she needed that; she wanted him to give her a reason so she wouldn’t have to walk away and end a relationship that she bet her heart on. When the silence sunk in and she found herself empty of all the things she needed so badly, she knew it was over.

Although she stayed physically, she knew deep inside that emotionally he was drifting; she was lost in awe of how they reached the point of love to where her love was no longer enough to keep this man at home and in her arms. He was doing what he wanted regardless of how good he had it at home. She grew and she learned that unless she stood up, change wasn’t coming, and no matter how bad it got, he would stay in the relationship; she couldn’t depend on him to walk away. He wasn’t loving in the way he should, and she was loving in ways she shouldn’t, even to a man who meant the world to her, and she claimed as her hero, even to him she was giving too much giving pieces that were undeserved. She went through phases unheard of, ones that an untarnished heart couldn’t imagine. She took steps forth, just be drug back to phase one, but even with that, time began to heal her, and with every day, even in her rivers of tears, she became stronger and she grew inspired and determined to love herself above love, itself.

The Essence of a Broken Heart

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Some things don’t have a time, many circumstances are born a challenge, they aren’t meant to be easy and that’s the nature of their purpose.

How often do you find yourself avoiding a task or obstacle due to absolute hesitance, whether it is out of fear of something worse or lack of preparation for something better? Do you ever wonder if it’s you, yourself that’s standing in the way of a blessing, simply because you’re not sure if you’re ready for the next chapter in your life?

We’ve all been there, whether it’s an awkward conversation we’re avoiding, a career advancement that we don’t feel equipped for, or maybe it’s simply resolving a situation in which you’re not sure how you want it to conclude. I believe in these stubborn situations, it’s not now or never, but rather now or forever. Do you want to face it head on today and lay to rest a matter that has been eating at you for quite some time now? Or sweep it under the rug once again and allow that situation to resurface itself in your future? (This process has a funny way of repeating rapidly carrying a situation with you constantly in the slickest way). Don’t stay trapped in an obstacle or phase in your life. Don’t become fixated to your troubles while expecting yourself to move forward in every other area thinking that situation will just fix itself. Time doesn’t pause or wait for you due to what you’re going through. Life will keep moving along regardless of whether or not you’re ready for it, the question at stake is how much catching up will you have to do by the time you overcome the very thing you’re avoiding?  If you wait until you’re ready, you’ll be waiting for the rest of your life. Some things don’t have a time, many circumstances are born a challenge, they aren’t meant to be easy and that’s the nature of their purpose. Some of these situations you’ll have to face head on and with bravery and courage, regardless of when you decide to do it. The difficulty of the matter won’t cease, and many times that’s what we wait upon. Us humans are so peculiar in the sense that we clearly agree to understand that we don’t live in a magical Disney World of a paradise yet with so many situations we wait patiently or rather avoid intently expecting a breeze of wonder to sweep in and do the hard work for us.

Now, I will be the first to stand up and agree that God has a grasping and marvelous way of saving us when we need it the most, but I think too often we confuse that blessing with a notion of expecting a superhero so much that we avoid some of our greatest potential lessons, which are often best learned first-hand.  The truth to this is that we know what we’re doing, or rather NOT doing; we’re not senseless enough to really forget this huge matter that’s being carried with us, silently scratching at the back of our thoughts. To this day, this idea of facing fears and silencing hesitations has never failed me. It’s one of the few circumstances in which I’ve always came out on top and I always felt up lifted and relieved. When it was all said and done and I owned up to whatever it was I was resisting and avoiding, I always realized that I walked away with a lesson greater than I expected and I can still remember each and every time I’ve stood up facing my fears and silencing the doubts so that I could move forward. Looking back, I really don’t think I would be where I am today, in the mental, physical and emotional sense if I hadn’t challenged those hesitations and did what I had to do for myself, for the sake of moving forward and advancing myself for the better. So do what you have to do, own up to whatever it is and do so knowing that you are taking one more step towards living your life to its greatest potential. Be brave, confident and secure in what you know and desire. Know what you want out of life and be ready to face the obstacles that will stand in your way even if it requires you to step out of your comfort zones. It’s worth it.

The Avoided Lesson

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As we relaxed beside each other, our bodies against each other in pleasure, he was closer to my thoughts than ever before.

It was one of my dearest days, the days I wait for anxiously knowing he’s about to be in my world, and me in his. The distance didn’t matter a bit once I felt his touch turning my butter tint cashmere skin into pure silk. The days I spent with him made up for every doubt within me, and he took care of those doubts and addressed them as if they were his duty. He was the only one, I didn’t find interest in the guys that complimented me before him and he didn’t go after all the girls that looked tasteful but lacked a clear head. Now here we were with our chosen one, the one we each picked apart from the rest. There was love in the midst of everything we expressed and that feeling carried me to the moment I was soaking in, the desire that bathed me from within. Before he came along, it was always just me and myself, I never needed a hero nor did I reach for one. But he was something like a superman for me, and I held so close to that and truly believed in what he had to offer.  As we relaxed beside each other, our bodies against each other in pleasure, he was closer to my thoughts than ever before. He was near me and our bodies were tempting one another with presence alone. His absence hurt when he was gone but his presence was even more of a catastrophe as it made me want to scream his name in my up-most pleasure. Instead I simply moaned as I rubbed his stomach, talking intuitively to him about the bond we both were wrapped in. Touching me gently on the length of my neck, he calmed my fears as I explained the doubts I had and the emotions that worried me. Slowly in the motion of his  hands yet quickly in my heart he assured me that he was laying beside me with the best intentions. His patience turned me on and set my heart on fire to know the deepest desires of this man. He didn’t rush me to open my body to him, he only loved me more and more as he waited. I wanted him inside of me, and the more nights we spoke, the more I came to realize that his words were true and his intentions were pure. I waited patiently as we laid there, cursing my name for the things I’d never say.

As we relaxed beside each…

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