Tag Archives: sex

Sneak Peak!

“…Gazing much too deeply focused on the frame of his manhood, I was on the edge of eruption. Desire had carried me to the puddle of another soaked bomb ass piece of attire once again, the moans were directly behind my teeth, pushed up against the tip of my tongue. I was a genius for having the capability to keep this inside of myself, knowing my inner sex slave was beside me ready to leap and be guilty of his most disastrous and explosive orgasm of his tripled years. I, his woman desired to be the climax of his life, in every essence. I wanted to scream, not me though, SHE wanted to release herself to a man that could handle it, double, triple, multiple, endless orgasms, oh God whatever he could endure Naj was down for it. I knew once our sex-scapade was coming to a resolution my v spot would be sore and pumping, but entirely with pleasure. I just wanted to fade into a deep sleep with two of his rock hard fingers resting inside of me.  It’s amazing the way those desires we’re always there. Naj waited patiently as we laid there, cursing my name for the things I’d never say. She was the sex fiend that haunted the “good girl”, somehow she always convinced me to experiment with the edgiest levels of her desires. Sex was her dream, love was mine, and the medium was a constant battle.”

-Candy Pains

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This became a dangerous way to love someone as his voice spoke louder in my mind than my own did, statistically I trusted him on more occasions than I trusted myself and mentally he had the upper hand.

Even as a man, he was so much of what I wanted to be as a woman. He was comfortable in his flaws as he always worked to improve his self-worth, and accordingly secure in his plan for his future. He had a fashion sense as good as mine, and I loved the way we complimented each other as we made public appearances as if a way to profess our love. Together we had a stride that demanded an audience, and we took pride in that. He was brave but took chances without ever risking more than he was willing to lose. He wasn’t only clever; he was among the wisest of men I’ve known, so much that he stood in rank of one of the most influential people in my life. He gained wisdom in every past trial he faced, never walking away without a lesson. Nothing defeated him so far, he always rose above the obstacles and came out stronger than before and always one smile closer to his dreams. He knew how to get ahead in life, and with a skilled way with words and a personality that drove his social skills to a new calling, this man was the downfall of so many competitors that crossed his path.  He truly didn’t worry for longer than he should. He placed the concerns beyond his efforts in God’s care, and I admired that part of his character. All of these elements were the pieces of him that I loved, and the best of what I took with me when I left. He grew within me leaving these beneficial traces that would be another guiding light, and I will forever have a loving respect for a piece of my past for that reason.

He was none the less human though, and while he had characteristics that I loved, those beautiful pieces were only half of who he was. We had very different views on the value of love versus success. This man was nine years my senior and 75% of what shaped me since I began this journey of woman hood. My mother whispered to me, “Be careful my love, that man has a charm that could convince and kill.” In the end, my mother’s intuition was right on point, this man had a weapon of magnetism like no other. The gifts of his love were his influence of passion and thrive, but that love came with a curse of questioning my own beliefs of how I should run my life; what will keep me warm at night, love or success? Am I willing to compromise that in order to have him forever? I believed his mind and trusted his guidance. His influence was more powerful than my own. This became a dangerous way to love someone as his voice spoke louder in my mind than my own did, statistically I trusted him on more occasions than I trusted myself and mentally he had the upper hand. This was the first man I ever loved. Clearly love didn’t have to last to satisfy him, it only has to exist, to make a mark, and that was enough for him. Even as a very grown man, marriage was a nice thought in his mind but it wasn’t a piece of his life that he needed. The thoughts of success and wealth somehow kept him warmer at night than a woman’s touch.

We had a seven year long run, full of friendship, betrayal, compromise, plans, and lots and lots of sexual desires. Somehow our intimacy made his impact on me run deep. His carnal knowledge was quite detailed, he learned a lot through his years of relationships with women, and for seven years I slurped every bit of that sex education up. They didn’t teach this shit in grade school, he offered the unrated and uncut version of the truth. He was an expert on pleasing a woman and even a great professor on how a woman could take a man to the edge of ecstasy. I learned every ounce of freakiness from him, sometimes I even wondered what I’d be like if he had never explored the depths of me and turned me out, sexually and mentally. He sexed so good he made a quickie feel like love making, even when I knew his mind was somewhere else, his body told a different story, a much more beautiful lie. The more our bodies were shared, the more our minds began to challenge their similarity. I began to read him better than I had in the past years. I wasn’t sure if I agreed with his values but I was slowly becoming okay with someone very opposite of who I was at heart. Somehow in the heat of sex, I began to introduce him to my additional ways of thinking and he began to warp my mind as well.

Intimacy has a way of taking things to a deeper level, the more involved you become, the more you care, the more you wonder, and the deeper you truly fall. Sex on this level has a magical way of changing a person’s mind, even giving them hope and convincing them to stay a little longer; perhaps they can take me even deeper into this black magic we call love; we were both so guilty of that mindset. Eventually we came to know that we were caught up into something we had lost mental and emotional control over. Friendship, future plans and everything else that had held the relationship up on a pedestal had drifted and all that was left was an ever winding emotional whirlwind of intimacy. Even when it was all that we had left, just a taste of it was still enough to keep us going. It was our drug that we were proud to overindulge in, and deep down we knew it kept us together even when common sense said we should be apart.

You can fall into someone else’s soul without ever knowing it, that sexual, mental and physical bond is strong and can overpower your own mind. Once you reach a certain level of intimacy, I don’t believe it’s just sex, at this point in the game, who you let in determines what is done within you. Will they damage your mind or deliver your spirit? Perhaps they have potential to do both. Are you there for the same reasons they are or are the two motives facing different directions? It’s not only your body that you’re allowing them to enter; intimacy involves the mind, spirit, and heart. What if one day you became just like them, would you be proud to mirror this person?  It’s imperative that an individual takes note of the honest answer to that question.

Intimacy is not only a lovey dovey affair; it leaves deep roots from each person involved. Intimacy drives a connection that’s mentally penetrating and transcendent; it takes you to a state of mind far beyond the words I’m speaking. You touch each other physically while moving inside of each other in every additional essence. You become a piece of the other person, you each leave traces that you’ve been there; at this level of intimacy, you will remember what they were like to the T; even the thoughts that emerged with the strokes will be taken note of. The door of influence creeks open in the midst of desire and two souls intertwine. Intimacy is beautiful, deep and the climax of so many people’s pleasure points, it’s a powerful sharing experience, therefore be aware and particular on whom you share these experiences with. Be knowledgeable on who you are opening yourself up to and the mindset they carry because regardless of whether or not you notice it, intimacy has a way of causing a person’s impact on you to be quite profound.

Intimacy: The Mirror Affect

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Intimacy Beyond Oxytocin

Oxytocin is a brain chemical that is released commonly in romantic bonds; it’s also known to be the cause of the emotional bond between mother and child after birth. Many people believe that this is chemically how being in love can effect ones mental state of mind, and I’ve come to agree that intimacy can drive deep emotions that go on to connect to the brain and eventually effect a person  inside and out.

However what about the other affects that intimacy has on the individuals involved? What about the effects that go deeper than the lovey dovey doses of Oxytocin? I’m talking about emotions and mental concerns that go much deeper than the surface of those butterflies…

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As we relaxed beside each other, our bodies against each other in pleasure, he was closer to my thoughts than ever before.

It was one of my dearest days, the days I wait for anxiously knowing he’s about to be in my world, and me in his. The distance didn’t matter a bit once I felt his touch turning my butter tint cashmere skin into pure silk. The days I spent with him made up for every doubt within me, and he took care of those doubts and addressed them as if they were his duty. He was the only one, I didn’t find interest in the guys that complimented me before him and he didn’t go after all the girls that looked tasteful but lacked a clear head. Now here we were with our chosen one, the one we each picked apart from the rest. There was love in the midst of everything we expressed and that feeling carried me to the moment I was soaking in, the desire that bathed me from within. Before he came along, it was always just me and myself, I never needed a hero nor did I reach for one. But he was something like a superman for me, and I held so close to that and truly believed in what he had to offer.  As we relaxed beside each other, our bodies against each other in pleasure, he was closer to my thoughts than ever before. He was near me and our bodies were tempting one another with presence alone. His absence hurt when he was gone but his presence was even more of a catastrophe as it made me want to scream his name in my up-most pleasure. Instead I simply moaned as I rubbed his stomach, talking intuitively to him about the bond we both were wrapped in. Touching me gently on the length of my neck, he calmed my fears as I explained the doubts I had and the emotions that worried me. Slowly in the motion of his  hands yet quickly in my heart he assured me that he was laying beside me with the best intentions. His patience turned me on and set my heart on fire to know the deepest desires of this man. He didn’t rush me to open my body to him, he only loved me more and more as he waited. I wanted him inside of me, and the more nights we spoke, the more I came to realize that his words were true and his intentions were pure. I waited patiently as we laid there, cursing my name for the things I’d never say.

As we relaxed beside each…

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